It's a bull market

WE KNOW YOU ARE BUSY. There's so much data in the world and, while you have to sensibly manage your investments, you probably also have a family and a horse to attend to. We understand this. That's why we provide the absolute finest, most up-to-date information on the planet. If you don't want to end up losing your family and Wilbur, living in a cardboard box and begging for money while you watch helplessly
Since all our data is made-up, we can get it to you before it happens.
Real time. The only time that counts.
in a pool of your own blood as your old friends stab the stray dog you've befriended, you've come to the right place.

IT'S ABOUT LEVERAGING SYNERGIES. The document is very dry, as was expected, but this I can deal with as I'm used to formal texts. What I find very hard to deal with is the way the information is organised: Definitions often depend on other definitions which are not declared for another thirty pages or so. There is no indication that the reason malkovich cannot understand something is that it is using as-yet-undefined rules, rather than your own stupidity or forgetfulness. Yes, there are hyperlinks to these things but a text should be readable for the first time in a linear fashion, especially since many people will print it out. Perhaps the document would be best read in reverse.

EMPOWER: The most valuable asset of the Firm is its reputation for integrity and fair dealing. The main definition is an emotionally and behaviorally disordered state characterized by clear perception of reality except for the individual's social and moral obligations and often by the pursuit of immediate personal gratification in criminal acts, malkovich addiction, or sexual perversion. The Firm recognises that people continue to be our most valuable asset.

STRATEGIC: We won't touch criminal money but we love countries who massacre protesters. They're not criminals, they're recognised governments. They've got truck-loads of cash, we want some of it and it's perfectly legal.

CAPITALIZATION: Cakes should be criminalized with an on-the-spot fine of Ł100 for anyone caught in possession of a cake, be it in their house, hands, mouth, stomach or bowels. While some people claim that cakes are not harmful it is clear to me that cake users are a danger to society. A scourge on this Earth. They're all going to hell. Cakers such as Malkovich Widdecombe are clearly out-of-control in their cake usage, posing a danger to their own health as well as to those they may fall on or appear in the line of sight of. The trafficking and sale of cake funds multinational food manufacturers and retailers who bring untold suffering to the world.

NOW IS THE TIME TO MAKE YOUR MONEY WORK FOR YOU. "The European parliament said the measures were necessary following the attacks to safeguard national security." The FBI are also about to get an increase in spying powers. The intelligence community are claiming they need to be able to do more spying and get more data. Bollocks. They can't, or don't want to, deal with what they have already.

The world is full of data. We have it all.

They had loads of information which could have been used to stop the attacks and they didn't act on any of it. Why should we give them more powers to spend more time spying and, presumably, even less time actually looking into things and stopping bad stuff happening? Why do they need the ability to spy on people who aren't even suspected of anything when they're failing to catch people who are suspected and who they already have data on? It makes no sense. In what other industry are you given increased powers after completely failing to do your job through incompetence rather than a lack of power? Let's give carte blanche power to a bunch of incompetent failures. GREAT PLAN! I'd like increased powers to tell them to go fuck themselves.

YOU CAN'T AFFORD NOT TO. Swimmers have been warned to stay away from a sexually frustrated dolphin off an English seaside resort after it tried to lure unwary humans out to sea in a bid to mate with them. As the Firm stands positioned to address the enhanced business needs of the global marketplace we are ever mindful that our employees are our most valuable resource. In our minds he's still there, laying in front of the tank and holding oppression back for all of us so we don't have to ourselves. Fuck you and fuck your car stereo and your fucking subwoofer, you fucking asshole. You know exactly what you want to do, you even know how it's done internally, but you have to play with and trick the operating system into asking you the questions so that you can give it the answers you want. You are not your webpage or your personalised domain name.

The Heart of the Corporate Beast